


The Soldier and the Runner

by Cadoan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Drabble, Fluff and Smut, Lemon, M/M, Male Slash, One Shot Collection, Slash, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-07
Updated: 2013-01-07
Packaged: 2017-11-24 01:38:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/628855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cadoan/pseuds/Cadoan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of one shots that I decided to write while watching the series. Each chapter is based on one episode of the series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Ark

**Author's Note:**

> Ronon and John are stuck together, facing almost certain death. Adrenaline and anger are running amock, and when there is no other outlet to be found, John and Sheppard use each other to vent.

John Sheppard watched Ronon pacing back and forth inside the small room.

"I'm not good at this."

"What?"

"Waiting to die."

"Don't think about it."

"I don't like small spaces," Ronon exclaimed.

"Could be worse."

"Personally, I'd rather go down fighting."

"I'd rather not die."

Ronon looked at Sheppard and gritted his teeth.

"I'm just saying."

"Okay, look. If this rock burns up into the atmosphere, I'll fight you 'til the death myself. Deal?"

Ronon smiled and looked amused as he sat down on a bench a bit from Sheppard.

"You're on."

The room went quiet for a few minutes before Ronon spoke again.

"It is a good thing that you're here with me. I'm not sure what I would have done if I had been trapped here alone."

Sheppard eyed Ronon, his mouth sporting the trademark crooked smile, and stood up.

"Well, taking into consideration that stunt you pulled with your arm there…" he said and made a motion with his head towards Ronon's shoulder. "I wouldn't want to see you trying to hurt yourself if that were you making yourself better."

The big ex-runner smiled widely and laughed a deep, wholehearted laugh.

"When you're a runner, you have to learn to take care of yourself. Fixing a dislocated shoulder is nothing compared to other stuff I've had to deal with myself." He motioned towards his back, to the place where the tracking device had been. "I spent a long time without a doctor so I wasn't about to wait for Carson. Also, if we're going to fight to the death, I can't have a dislocated shoulder slowing me down." The last sentence made both men smile.

Ronan patted the empty space next to him.

"Sit. We should make the most out of the time we have left."

John looked at the man seated on the bench and felt shivers go up and down his spine. There was something very alluring about the man, something primal and raw. Ronon kept all of his emotions very close to the surface and neither anger nor laughter was far away. That made for a very passionate man, a superb fighter and an excellent member of his team. John had lost time of how many times the Satedan had rescued his life and vice versa. That kind of trust ran very deep and affected two people in a very profound way, and John couldn't help feeling drawn to the man. John walked over to Ronon and sat down next to him, stretching his legs. The air between them was somehow thick, and not exclusively because of the almost certain death facing them.

Ronon rolled his shoulders to check on the dislocation. It didn't feel too bad and hopefully the movement in the limb wouldn't be impacted even if he didn't get to a doctor soon. The ex-runner looked to his left at Sheppard, who was sitting with his arms crossed over his chest, eyes closed. Ronon felt his stomach churning, almost nervously. He felt great admiration for his Commanding Officer and trusted the man with his life. After the betrayal on his own home world he had started distrusting everything and everyone. Also, it wasn't like he had had any time to trust anyone while he had been chased by the Wraith. Colonel John Sheppard had been the first person in a long time he trusted. Ronon cleared his throat.

"I'm glad it's you, Sheppard."

"Hmm?" John turned slightly towards the bigger man, cracking one eye open.

Ronon looked up into the ceiling and cleared his throat again.

"I am glad I get to spend my last hours with you." He continued to watch the ceiling. This feeling spreading throughout his body, emanating from his chest… What was it? Nervousness? He couldn't really place it, so he tried to shrug it off, without succeeding.

"Are you going soft on me, Chewie?"

Ronon flinched, the words cutting deeper that he would like to admit even to himself. He shook his head and made a motion to stand when John's hand on his arm stopped him. Ronon almost jumped from the contact and the electricity that seemed to flow from John's fingers. John sensed the other man recoil and let go of his arm, his hand hovering just above Ronon's skin.

"I'm sorry big man; I didn't mean it like that."

Ronon gave John a long look before relaxing and leaning back against the wall again. He felt heat radiating from Sheppard's hand even though it wasn't even touching him. Sheppard shifted and Ronon got painfully aware of the fact that their thighs were now touching. The room fell silent again and when the silence was broken, it was Sheppard who spoke.

"I'm glad it's you as well, Ronon."

Ronon smiled widely, tilting his head to the side to look at his Commanding Officer.

"Are you going soft on me, Sheppard?" he said, mirroring what John had said earlier. John lifted his hands into the air in surrender and feigned a sad face.

"Okay, okay, I get it. I'm sorry."

The men looked at each other for a second before they both started laughing. It felt good to laugh. It took the edge off the situation and the weird tension between them seemed to ease for a moment.  
All of a sudden, a voice crackled to life on Sheppard's intercom, barely heard over the static.

"Sheppa-"

John leaned forward, staring intently into the wall as he moved his hand to his ear.

"McKay?"

The voice at the other end kept breaking up because of the static.

"I… not sure… fixing it… don't know…"

"McKay? You're breaking up, I can't hear you."

Ronon looked at his CO as he spoke into the intercom. The concentration was visible on John's face. It was a look that Ronon had grown to like. When there was a task at hand, John's hazel eyes changed and the leader in him took over. Ronon respected few people and John Sheppard was the one that he respected the most.

"McKay? I can't hear you. Dammit!"

Ronon watched cautiously as John swore and rubbed his eyes with his fingers in a frustrated motion.

"Not going well?" the Satedan asked flatly, crossing his arms over his chest.

John turned back around to look at Ronon, shaking his head and looking frustrated.

"There's so much static I can't hear him properly. I only get bits and pieces, and it doesn't make any sense. I guess there's no choice but to wait."

Ronon growled impatiently.

"I hate to wait."

John smiled crookedly and leaned back again, patting the bigger man's thigh.

"I know big guy, I know."

Ronon had to force himself not to show how he reacted physically to the touch. It felt the same way as when they had touched before; as if heat was seeping from the other man's fingers, straight through the clothing and into his body. It felt like blood rushed to the spot where they were touching, and; oh. Ronon felt blood rushing towards his nether regions as well. He shifted uncomfortably and John removed his hand, raking them through his own hair, eyes darting away to look at the wall in front of them. John sighed, cursing himself. He wasn't sure what he was doing; he just felt so incredibly drawn to the man next to him. He had never felt like this before, this urgent need he felt right now. Then, he had never been trapped inside a small space with Ronon before, facing almost certain death. He could feel adrenaline pumping throughout his body, making him restless.

Ronon felt the change in the air between them. He couldn't deny it, not even to himself: something strange was happening here. Whenever he was in a life or death-situation he got very… excited, for a lack of a better word. Whenever he was in such a situation it used to be out on the battlefield, wraith hunting them down, not stuck inside, waiting. It frustrated him, because his body reacted in the same way as if he had an enemy to fight. Right now, he had no way to channel the adrenaline, the anger and the need to kill something. He was greatly grateful that John was there with him, because if he had been alone he would probably manage to injure himself trying to kick down a door or something. A silence fell over them again. They sat there for a long time, just waiting. After a while, John made a frustrated sound and stood up. He paced back and forth, trying to get into contact with McKay again. Ronon stood up as well, looking intently at John, stopping him in his tracks. John let his hand fall to his side and just looked at the man towering above him. The air between them was heavy and the emotions between them were tangible.

Both men lunged at each other at the same time. It was like the impending doom made them desperate for human contact and for each other. John's both hands found their way into Ronon's hair and grabbed the thick dread locks while one large hand was placed behind John's neck. Ronon's other hand went around Sheppard's back, pulling him in close. Their tongues meshed together almost desperately, moans escaping their lips. Ronon drew John's lower lip into his mouth and sucked on it gently as his hand found its way under the Colonel's shirt, enjoying the naked skin beneath.

Shivers went down Sheppard's body. His hands fell down from the other man's hair and rested instead on the man's broad shoulders. With a groan, as if it physically hurt him, Ronon tore his mouth away from Sheppard's delicious lips and tilted his head downwards, kissing the flushed skin of the other's neck. A small sound slipped out from between Sheppard's lips and he dug his fingers into Ronon's shoulder as impossibly hot lips and an ever hotter tongue tortured the spot right below his ear. A thought about the US Air Force fraternization rules flew through his mind, but as Ronon moved backwards, sat down on the bench and pulled John down with him into his lap, he tossed those thoughts out of the window. They were about to die anyways, so it didn't matter. He might just as well give in to this temptation.

Ronon hoisted John's legs around his waist and let his hands rest on John's thighs, massaging them slowly as he kissed his CO hotly. He felt John's fingers run down his neck, shoulders and arms before those hot digits slipped just inside the hem of his shirt. Ronon squeezed John's thighs and John tilted backwards, visibly flustered, hazel eyes dark with lust.

"Shirt off?" Ronan asked, his eyes reflecting the emotions he saw in his companion's eyes. Sheppard nodded, a decisive, small nod.

"Shirt off." Ronon grinned at the commander's statement and bit down on John's lower lip seductively before reluctantly letting go of his thighs. He grabbed the end of his sleeveless leather shirt and pulled it up and off before discarding of the clothing onto the floor. Something that sounded like a tiny mewl escaped Sheppard's throat when he saw all of the tanned, gorgeous skin before him. He let his hands explore the newly exposed flesh and Ronon let him do it. John's touch set his skin ablaze in ways he had never experienced before. Their lips met again and Sheppard sucked gently on Ronon's tongue while the former runner tried to peel off John's jacket with little success. He growled impatiently and the sound made flashes of lust go straight to the Colonel's groin.

"Shirt off," Ronon growled. It wasn't a question – it was an order. Sheppard's eyes flashed with something dark, lust that swirled. He didn't object though, and leaned forward to shrug off his jacket.  
"Ooooh…" He only got halfway through the motion before he stopped because of the jolts of electric lust shooting throughout his body. Ronon moaned deeply, the lust wrecking his body as well. When Sheppard had leaned forward he had caused their crotches to rub together and all of a sudden their actions became stressed, wanting, needing. John shed his jacket but didn't get to shed any further article of clothing before Ronon framed his slim face with his big hands, brushing his thumbs over his slightly unshaven cheeks. Then, both of them rolled their hips. Ronon growled deep in his throat and Sheppard closed his eyes. The layers of fabric between them were torture. They lost track of time and lost themselves in pure bliss, rocking against each other.

Shepard felt himself approaching the edge and he tore his mouth away from Ronon's. He didn't want to release into his pants so he ceased the movement of his hips.

"Ronon, I-" He hissed, as even though he had ceased the movement of his hips, Ronon hadn't, so their bulges were still rolling against each other. John's eyes slid close and he froze, enjoying the sweet torture for a few more seconds before he grabbed ahold of one of Ronon's dreadlocks, using the other hand to push at the bigger man's shoulder.

"Ronon, stop! Stopstopstop..!"

Ronon stopped moving his hips and John let out a relieved gasp. The Satedan's dark eyes looked at him with a mix of lust, curiosity and worry.

"Should we stop, Sheppard?" he asked in that flat voice again. John gritted his teeth and shook his head, taking a deep breath.

"Don't ask me that, I might change my mind and I'd rather not do that."

Ronon smiled and rolled his hips a little while letting his hand travel down to the zipper in John's pants.  
John moaned deeply yet again and Ronon let his mouth explore the Colonel's neck and throat while he worked on the zipper. He pulled it down and with a growl that was answered by a sound in Sheppard's throat, he pulled the other's erection out of its confinements and wrapped his fingers around it. He smirked into the side of John's neck as he stroked the cock in his hand a few times, drawing delicious sounds from John, before he let it go to untie his own pants. Ronon freed his own erection from its restrains and pulled John's head down for a quick, hot kiss before wrapping his hand around both of their cocks, pushing them against each other. He also let the hand that was resting at John's lower back slip down into his pants, into his underwear, allowing one of the cheeks to settle into his big hand. He used his middle finger to find the puckered opening, applying the tiniest amount of pressure. He could feel John tense up, so he gave the other man a hot, raw kiss and started stroking their erections together. The shorter man moaned into his mouth as their tongues coiled against each other and while distracting him elsewhere, he pushed his finger into the other man up until the first knuckle. John shifted rather uncomfortably despite the other assaults on his body, but Ronon kept stroking their erections and mumbled something inaudible into John's mouth.

John gasped into Ronon's mouth as the former runner performed a particularly long, slow stroke.

"What did you say?" John finally managed to murmur into the other man's mouth. Ronon kissed him once more before replying.

"The strange sensations will pass" he simply mumbled back before claiming John's lips in another fierce kiss, slowly starting to move the tip of his finger in and out of John. He felt the Colonel tense again, but he simply kept up his onslaught and soon he could move the tip of his finger freely inside of the other man. He quickly realized that some kind of lubrication would be needed and he slipped his hand out of John's pants and moved it to his mouth. John gave a gasping sound at the loss, which broke the frenzied kiss that was going on and let Ronon put two fingers in his own mouth, coating them with saliva. John looked at him with dark eyes, licking his lips. The act made Ronon shiver. He removed his fingers from his mouth, letting them follow the outline of John's lower lip before settling his hand back into John's pants where it had been before. The other man's ass fit perfectly into his hand and now when his fingers where lubricated, he teased the ring of muscle a slight second before he pushed the digit inside until the second knuckle. Letting John get used to the intrusion, he stayed still, instead focusing on assaulting the man's neck again.

John was slowly getting used to the intrusion. It didn't feel unpleasant, it just felt unusual. He couldn't really say anything negative about it, since the attacks on the other pleasure zones his body made his nerve ends extremely sensitive, making this a very pleasurable experience. He felt the finger inside of him twist and turn, as if looking for somethi-

"Aaaah-ungh..!"

Waves of pleasure crashed into John as Ronon touched a spot inside of him that made his sight disappear for a moment. He surged forwards, not at all prepared for the intense pleasure Ronon had caused him. The calloused hand pressed his erection tightly against the Satedan's at the same time he felt the other strong hand squeezing his butt cheek, flicking that spot inside of him over and over again. He could feel Ronon's chest vibrating as the man hummed with content. He wrapped one arm around the Satedan's neck, the other one grabbing the bigger man's bicep, holding himself upright. He felt a strong arm wind itself around his lower back, pulling him closer. Ronon dipped his head down again and pressed hot, openmouthed kisses over his adam's apple and down towards his chest.

Soon, Ronon had kissed his way down to the point where the delicious skin was covered up by the snug fitting tee John was wearing. He growled again, a rumbling sound originating from his chest. The raw emotions that filled his chest and body wanted to rip the Colonel's clothes off, so the shirt irritated him beyond words. He stroke their erections one more time before letting them go. He now had two fingers working in and out of Sheppard in a scissoring motion, and he was losing his patience. He soon couldn't take it anymore; he was craving to be inside his CO. Judging from John's state, he was ready as well.  
"Hang on tight" he husked deeply into John's ear a mere second before standing up and walking to the wall in front of them. He pressed John up against the wall, using his weight to hold him in place. His actions were rushed as he let Sheppard's left leg slid to the floor. Still using his leg muscles and his weight to pin John against the cold wall he ripped the man's pants off. When they were off he hoisted the Colonel's leg back up, not caring that they were still stuck halfway down the other thigh. They were not in the way anymore, so therefore not a problem. His own pants were pooled around his thighs as he moved to nestle his erection between John's cheeks. He just let it be there as he took ahold of one of John's arms, pinning it above his head, getting rewarded with a low moan as he did so. Then, he slowed to look at Sheppard.

Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard looked fucking amazing. His lips were red and swollen and oh so kissable. His mouth was slightly open and he was breathing heavily, his chest heaving. His face was flushed and his neck started to sport bruises that would be there for a long time, assuming they would come out of this alive. But his eyes, his eyes were what affected Ronon the most. They were filled with lust and defiance all at once, defiance very typical for Sheppard. The eyes were challenging him, a "come and get it"-attitude that Sheppard used to tackle any obstacle thrown his way. Ronon leaned in slowly, meeting those swollen lips with his own, sneaking his tongue inside. John strained against him, trying to get his hand free from the Satedan's grip, but Ronon tightened his hold on the hand pinned to the wall. The kiss became hard and needy and left them both gasping for breath when they had to break apart. Ronon leaned back a little and looked at John for a little while before spitting into his hand, trying to gather as much saliva as possible. He used his hand to coat his erection before once again grabbing an ass cheek, and using his fingers he spread the opening as wide as he could. He blindly guided his erection towards the opening and got it right on the first try. Catching John's lower lip into his mouth he bit down a little bit too hard to distract the other man, redirecting his focus while pushing the head of his cock inside. John's whole body immediately tensed up and the man groaned in pain. Ronon moved his mouth to John's ear, his whole front pinning John to the wall.

"Relax John," he husked before pressing a kiss to the ear he had just spoken into.

John nodded and Ronon could feel the muscles in his jaw working. John put his free arm around his shoulder, and his whole weight now being fully supported by Ronon, he forced himself to relax. Ronon could feel him relax, so burying the face in the nape of the other man's neck he started to push his cock inside the tight channel.

Slowly, slowly, John was being filled. It hurt; it truly did, but was a good hurt as well. Feeling the big man, smelling him, feeling his harsh breathing in his ear, made the most of the pain go away. Soon, when John was about to protest about it being too much, Ronon stopped. He felt Ronon bite down onto his earlobe and he heard a deep, rumbling moan in his ear which made him understand that Ronon was fully inside of him. They stayed absolutely still for what felt both like an eternity and only a few seconds at the same time before Ronon started moving. John gasped as he felt the member inside of him slide outwards and he placed his free hand on Ronon's stomach for support, feeling muscles flex beneath the skin. After about halfway outside Ronon started to push himself into John again, setting an almost painfully slow pace.

Goosebumps were forming all over Ronon's body when Sheppard's tight channel gripped him tightly. He had to force himself not to go too fast, not to be too rough, to not hurt John. He used his hips to perform long, slow strokes; John's involuntarily clenching almost driving him insane.

John was starting to get used to the intrusion and feelings of pleasure started to flow throughout his body again, overpowering any lingering pain. He let his head fall back on the wall he was being completely pinned against. He looked at Ronon through heavy lidded eyes, letting every emotion and sensation come flooding over him. Another long stroke was just about to start and John's fingers convulsed against Ronon's abdomen as the bigger man pulled out almost completely before burying himself to the hilt again. Ronon uttered a long moan as he completed the motion. Again, he pulled out and when starting to push in, he shifted slightly. He grinned through the lust when John let out something that sounded like a strangled scream, knowing he had found just the right spot. His grin soon melted away into a facial expression of pure lust as the tight channel around him started convulsing, driving him closer to the edge. He picked up the pace, starting to thrust into the other man at an even pace.

John was experiencing things he had never felt before. He almost forgot to hang onto Ronon, the white hot lust wrecking his body as the Satedan nailed the spot deep inside of him over and over again. When he felt the big hand let go of his to the wall pinned wrist and felt calloused fingers wrap around his weeping erection once more, he thought that he would come right then and there. That didn't happen however, and he wrapped his now free arm around the other's broad, naked shoulders. Using the muscles in his arms he pulled himself flat against Ronon and pulled the man into a hot, feverish kiss. He felt the hand wrapped around him speed up to the same pace as the thrusting and could feel the release building up inside of him.

"Ah, I'm going to come-!" he gasped into the kiss and Ronon grunted as answer, quickening his strokes.

"Fuck-!" John swore as Ronon thrust inside of him one last time, nailing the sweet spot inside of him and sending him over the age. Again, his vision disappeared as his orgasm hit and he started convulsing in Ronon's hand, his seed shooting in between the two men, staining Ronon's naked stomach and his own clothed chest. He sensed more than felt how Ronon's thrusts grew frantic, and a few more thrusts later he could feel the man's whole body tighten. The Satedan's muscles became rigid and John felt the cock inside him twitch as Ronon's own climax hit. A low, deep moan rumbled from Ronon's chest as he released into John. John felt Ronon slump slightly forward, their chests meeting when the most powerful wave of the orgasm left Ronon's body and he relaxed his muscles. The taller man leant his forehead against the wall next to John's face, puffs of air bouncing of the wall and hitting John's ear and the side of his neck, sending shivers throughout his body. A particularly strong shiver made him shudder and he felt the other man turn slightly.

"You okay?" Hot breath caressed his ear and lips grazed the outer shell of his ear as Ronon spoke. John swallowed and nodded, not trusting his own voice at the moment.

"Good." John felt Ronon move his hips back and away, pulling out. He clung to Ronon's shoulders and hissed through gritted teeth as the feeling of being full disappeared. With a sound Ronon pulled all the way out and John was left feeling empty.

Ronon sucked in air through his nose as he left the tight warmness and the cold air of the room enveloped his slightly damp member. He let his hand slide over John's thighs to the back of them, gently unlocking them from his waist and putting them down. John groaned as his legs straightened, blood rushing quickly to the muscles that had been stuck in position for a long time. Ronon felt how Sheppard's legs were shaking so he put his arms around the shorter man's waist, still holding up all of his weight. For a long time they just stood there, collecting themselves, getting their bearings and letting their pulses settle. After a while though, John straightened and loosened his grip around Ronon's neck. Ronon looked at him with worry in his eyes.

"Can you stand?"

John smiled weakly and nodded, using his hands to push at Ronon's shoulders.

"I'm fine," he croaked. "I think I'll manage."

"Okay," Ronon simply said and let go of John, taking half a step backwards, careful not to trip over his own pants. Ronon then bent down and pulled his pants up from around his ankles, tying a knot in the front. He then walked over to the bench and picked up the shirt he had shed there, passing John on the way over there. Neither of them spoke a word, not sure what to say or what to do. As Ronon started to put on his shirt John was, not entirely without pain, pulling his pants back on. A dull pain in his backside was forming, spreading up his back. Eventually John got his pants back on and pulled the zipper up, looking for his jacket. Ronon held it out to him in a silent gesture. John took it and put it on, looking Ronon in the eyes during the whole time. They were standing a few feet apart, just looking at each other. Swallowing a few times, John mustered up the courage to speak and was just about to-

"Colonel Sheppard?" Doctor Weir's voice suddenly jumped to life in his ear. He froze, stopping in his tracks. His eyes met Ronon's and they were impossible to read.

"Do you read me?"

John made a decision just then and there. He took the two steps up to Ronon, took ahold of the front of the man's shirt and kissed him fiercely. Ronon stood still for a split second before he framed John's face and kissed him back with equal hunger. They kissed hungrily for a few seconds. Then, John let go and answered the intercom.


	2. Outcast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronon accompanies John to earth for John's father's funeral, and he sees a John he has never seen before.

Ronon rarely saw John looking as confused as he looked right now. Actually, he couldn't remember any time at all during the more than two years he had known John that the man had been close to as lost and small as he seemed right now. He could barely recognize the man that he had grown to know, and love, during the past few years.

While standing in the background as John greeted what Ronon supposed were relatives, he just got more and more convinced that Earth was an extremely strange planet. He didn't interpret anything about the event as sorrowful or mournful. At Sateda, the mourning process was very vocal and everyone showed their feelings very openly; whether it was anger or sorrow. This, he thought as he eyed the black-clad people around him, was like some kind of charade, played out not for the sake of the deceased but for the sake of the living. He shrugged his shoulders. He truly did not understand it. The timid body language of the crowd made him very uncomfortable; he had never been good at something Rodney referred to as "not talking about the elephant in the room". He didn't quite get the earth saying, and he didn't know what an elephant was, but he thought this was a situation you would use it.

Ronon's eyes roamed the crowd, finding John almost immediately. John looked just as lost as he had before and Ronon didn't want anything more than to just hold him, but he got the feeling that this place would be even more none accepting of his and John's relationship than anyone at Atlantis or the IOA would ever be. He of course understood that the relationship they had developed would be a problem for the IOA since giving of orders and such could become complicated, but why the common people would have a problem with it, he did not understand at all. On Sateda, same sex relationships was just as accepted and as any other kind, so what he was feeling for his CO didn't faze him at all; it was natural. He had been surprised to find that it was considered a kind of taboo amongst many earth people, because the rest of the culture and civilization of the planet was very well developed.

Ronon followed John with his eyes as he continued his train of thought.

When John had introduced him to his brother, the anxiety vibes he felt coming off from his lover had hit the ceiling. Also, the way the man had looked at him made Ronon suspect that he knew something more, as if he had been able to see right through them both. The way the brother had looked at him, with pure distaste in his eyes… Ronon felt anger teeming inside of him, but he pushed it aside.  
He hadn't been able to find a private spot for John and him to talk after the introduction, and when seeing John in the room where his father's remains was kept, he decided to leave the man alone. Ronon wasn't sure how to approach him about his grief, and sometimes their different home worlds added differences in the little things, in the details.

He saw John wander away from the crowd and he decided to join him. He brought the plates of free food with him and walked over to the other man.

"Lots of food over there."

A small smile played at John's lips.

"I'm good."

Ronon looked at his lover for a moment before deciding to keep the conversation going. John was looking fidgety and nervous, and Ronon had learned that it usually helped him to cope if you just kept him talking, distracting him.

"Is this the house you were raised in?" he asked and turned to look at the huge house which garden they were standing in.

"One of them," John answered without looking at it.

"That's nice," the Satedan said, meaning it. He wouldn't have minded growing up in a house like that. Compared to where he had grown up on Sateda, this house was a castle.

"Mmm. I couldn't wait to get out of here."

"Really? Why?" Ronon looked down at the plates of food he was carrying, pretending as if the question was a very casual one, even though they both knew it wasn't. John rarely spoke of his past and family.

"Well," the older man answered with a shrug. "My dad's idea of a teenage rebellion was going to Stanford instead of Harvard." John must've read the confusion on Ronon's face because he continued: "Nevermind. He just… he had everything planned out for me since I was about 14."

Ronon studied John as he spoke. There was something strange and calculated about the man's movements, and Ronon didn't like it one bit. It was behavior he had never seen John show before.

"So what do we do now?"

"Well… mostly people sit around, drink…" Looking at Ronon's plates, he smiled a little. "Eat. Some more than others. Mostly we talk. They don't know what to say, but they talk."

John's brief explanation didn't shed any more light on the strange even they were taking part in, so he decided not to think about it anymore and instead looked into the crowd again. He spotted John's brother. What was his name again… Dave?

"Your brother seems to be handling it well."

"Yeah, that's what he does, he handles things," John said with a forced smile.

"How come you haven't mentioned him before?" Ronon knew he was treading into territory they never really discussed.

"It's complicated."

Ronon looked at his lover and decided not to push it any further, at least not now. He picked up some kind of berry and put it into his mouth, taking a moment or two deciding if he liked the taste or not. He decided he did and offered it to John, who declined it with a raised hand. Ronon put his hand on John's shoulder and squeezed it gently, channeling as much support as he could through the touch. John turned and smiled a little, leaning into the touch. The smile didn't last long though, disappearing completely as he spotted someone in the crowd. Ronon followed his gaze.

"I told you I had an ex-wife, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Here she comes."

Ronon looked at the woman John turned around to greet.

"Hi, John."  
Ronon could see John deflate.

"Nancy. I didn't expect to see you here."

The woman moved in for a hug and Ronon didn't really quite know what to do with himself, so he just stood still, silent. After the kind-of-hug, John just stood there, not saying anything for a while before he collected himself.

"Ehh… Nancy, Ronon, Ronon… Nancy."

His lover's ex-wife held out her hand and he shook it, smiling politely, not saying a word. Once again he felt the anxiety and stress levels coming off from John, if possible more now than before. He wished he could do something, but he had to settle with just being there as silent support. Averting his eyes he tried not to listen in on the conversation, feeling as if he was eavesdropping on something very private. He walked away from the pair and stood by the fence, not wanting to intrude more than necessary.

"It's nice to meet you," he heard the woman, Nancy, say, and he realized that she was talking to him.

"Oh! Nice to meet you."

He watched Nancy walk away and when she had disappeared into the crowd, he turned to John. The Colonel was standing there looking defeated, arms hanging slack down his sides, eyes staring into nothingness. Ronon took a gentle hold of his arm.

"Let's go."

John gave a distant nod and Ronon wasn't sure the other man had heard him, but when he walked towards the big house, John followed him. Inside, Ronon couldn't help to notice how everything was very white. Ceiling, walls, furniture… He couldn't help but to frown a little. Not a very practical house to raise a child in. The house was almost completely empty save for a couple of elderly people who gave John sad, pained looks as they walked by. John didn't seem to notice and Ronon only nodded politely at them, trying to find a private place. He spotted a bathroom door and headed for it, pulling John with him. When they were inside, he locked the door.

"Aaargh…" John gave a frustrated sound and sunk down on the toilet, burying his face in his hands. Ronon crouched down in front of the other man, putting a comforting hand on the man's knee.

"Hey…" he spoke softly.

"This family is killing me…" John murmured, rubbing his hands over his face in a tired gesture. Ronon squeezed John's knee reassuringly, keeping silent. His CO and lover looked incredibly tired and several years older than he really was.

"Hey," Ronon said again, getting John's attention. The seated man removed his hands from his face and looked at Ronon, smiling tiredly. Ronon leaned forward and nudged their foreheads together, placing his hands on John's thighs and starting to stroke them slowly back and forth. He felt John relax and give a deep sigh. They sat like that for a long time and Ronon felt life, energy and the John Sheppard he knew slowly seep back into the other man. Finally, John leaned backwards, raking his hand through his hair. He smiled crookedly at Ronon and he smiled back, seeing how John was more like himself again.

"You know, getting away from these people is a big reason that I chose the military," John explained matter-of-factly. Ronon nodded. John's stare disappeared into nothing again for a moment before he shook his head. He leaned back against the toilet, placing one hand on top of one of Ronon's. Ronon stood up, pulling John with him.

"Come here," he said. John looked reluctant, but Ronon wouldn't take no for an answer. He pulled John into an embrace and put his arms around the shorter man's neck, pressing a soft kiss against his forehead. John melted completely into the taller man and put his arms around Ronon's broad middle.

"I'm not sure what I would do if I'd been here alone," he mumbled, almost to himself.  
Ronon just held John for a long time until he felt all the tension in the shorter man's shoulders disappearing.

"C'mon, let's get the hell out of here," he said after kissing John's forehead once again. The Colonel nodded and they let go of each other. Ronon moved to the bathroom door and with the hand on the door handle, he turned around to look back at John. He smiled, and got a small smile back.


	3. Midway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Midway is destroyed and the jumper arrives at Atlantis, John and Ronon reunite inside of the jumper.

Ronon gave a little wave to the surprised men inside of the jumper.

"Where- where are we?"

"Deadulus, 302 bay."

Ronon walked into the jumper as soon he was able to, walking straight towards the men.

"Thank god!"

A man he had never seen before approached him but he shoved him aside, his only thoughts focusing on Sheppard. He stopped at the, what it looked like, very shocked McKay.

"Midway was destroyed," the scientist said, almost like he couldn't believe it himself. Ronon took a deep breath.

"I know, we saw." Looking around in the small space, he continued. "Where's Sheppard?"

Rodney turned around and pressed the button to the automatic doors sealing off the cabin to the cargo hold.

"Lasted about a day, sealed himself in there," McKay said and made a motion with his hands towards the cabin before walking away.

Ronon smiled and walked into the cabin, talking to himself.

"No wonder he didn't heat the radio call."

John was sleeping seated, a pair of headphones covering his ear. Emotions of relief washed over him as he saw as the man was safe and sound. He smiled to himself as he gently touched John's face, trying to wake him up. John didn't wake though but just swatted him away in his sleep, which made Ronon think of the countless times he had watched John sleep while they were laying in bed. He poked the short haired man once more and this time he woke with a jolt. Ronon laughed at John's bewildered look.

"Thank god!" John exclaimed as his brain worked through the sleepiness and recognized the man standing in front of him. He pointed accusingly at the cargo hold.

"I almost shot myself this time," he explained.

Ronon smiled at his lover.

"Yeah, I understand," he said knowingly, not really able to wipe the smile off his face.

John looked around, almost suspiciously, and Ronon recognized the behavior. The Colonel hadn't really woken up properly yet so his brain was going through the checklist that had been imprinted during all the years being in the military.

"Where are we?"

"Deadulus 302 bay." Even though there were other things he would rather like to do right now, he let John go through his check list. He wasn't in a hurry.

"What's the status of SGC?" his CO asked, looking slightly confused.

"Secure. Teal'c and I took care of the wraith," he answered, just a tiny bit of pride tinting his voice.

"I figured you would."

Ronon snapped his fingers.

"C'mon, let's get the hell out of here."

John looked around himself one more time.  
"Yeah!"

John stood up and started walking towards Ronon, who didn't budge. John gave him a sheepish smile.

"Hey, you have to move if I'm going to get out of here."

Ronon didn't say a word; he just wrapped his arms around the shorter man and buried his face in John's neck. He inhaled deeply, relishing the other man's scent. He immediately felt John's body relax into him and he hummed deep in his throat. John stood there, letting himself be embraced, melting into the bigger man's body, not really having the energy to return the hug. After a while, Ronon eased up the embrace slightly, lifting his head. He put his forehead against John's and breathed deeply. When felt John's hands coming up and cradling his face he hummed again. They stood like that for what seemed like both a very long and a very short time, just enjoying feeling the other's body against their own.

"I'm glad you're back," Ronon croaked, and he felt John blow out a small puff of air as he laughed softly.

"Me too, Chewie, me too," he said affectionately before he tilted his head slightly and brushed their lips together. Ronon opened his mouth and he felt John's tongue sneak inside, coiling with his own. Ronon slipped his big arms around John's smaller frame and pulled him as close as physically possible.

"Hmmm…" John mumbled, slipping his arms around the taller man's neck. Eventually they ended the kiss and just stood there, breathing heavily.

"Let's go," Ronon murmured. John nodded and pressed a quick, hot kiss to the Satedan's lips before they let go of each other, afraid of getting caught. They gave each other a long, longing look before starting to head out of the jumper.

"Oh, and I passed my interview with the IOA," Ronon said proudly.

"Really?"

"Yeah, they said they liked me."

John threw his jacket over his shoulder.

"Well, yeah, what's not to like?" he said, smiling widely.

Ronon smiled back widely. Checking around that no one was in the big room, he put his hand around John's neck and pulled him in for a quick kiss.


	4. Broken Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Ronon is captured by the wraith and turned into a worshipper, John thought that his whole world would fall apart.

As soon as John saw Ronon inside the wraith complex, he sensed that something was wrong. There was something about the air around the man that was strange. The man's posture, the body language, the facial expression… Something was off. Still, he lowered his weapon in pure disbelief.

"Ronon?"

"Sheppard. It's about time." The big man smiled, but there was something in his eyes… something dark and something horribly, horribly wrong. Why would he smile like that in a situation like this?

"What's going on, buddy..?" John was just about to take a step towards Ronon as a dark figure appeared next to him.

"We were beginning to wonder if you'd ever show up." John's heart sank to the bottom of his stomach. A wraith. Standing next to Ronon. Who was smiling. He heard movement around him and his team reacted. He understood that they were surrounded, but he couldn't take his eyes off Ronon. The big, beautiful man, the fierce fighter… What had they done to him? None of the warmth so typical for Ronon was to be found in his eyes or face; only that awful grin, evil and calculating.

"You're at a disadvantage. You can attempt to escape, but then you'll have to sacrifice your friend's life to do so." When the wraith spoke with that voice that sounded like a thousand voices speaking all at once, John felt cold shivers of disgust flowing throughout his body. He took a deep breath and lifted his weapon, aiming at the wraith.

"Ronon, get out of the way."

Ronon had just tilted his head slightly, still smiling.

"I can't do that," he said, and John's heart broke a little bit at each word.

"Ronon, step aside," he said through gritted teeth, his own voice sounding alien to him.

The big man's smiled melted away into a frown of disgust, and John thought that if it even was possible, Ronon looked even scarier when he did so. Everyone in the room, both wraith and humans alike, stood still. Then, all of a sudden, Ronon's old comrade moved, holding a knife to Teyla's throat.

"His life wouldn't be the only one forfeit," Tyre said.

"Tyre…"

The man looked around at Sheppard's team.

"Lower your weapons," he commanded, pushing the knife closer to Teyla's neck. John stood crestfallen as he lowered his weapon, just looking helplessly as this stranger, this person that he knew as his lover, walked towards him.

"Ronon," he said, mustering up all the aggression he could: "What's happening here?" He only saw muscles in Ronon's arm and something blurry connect with his face before everything turned white.

When John came to, he, Rodney and Teyla was in a wraith holding cell. Rodney was blabbering away like usual in situations like this, but John couldn't hear him. He didn't have the energy to care. All he could think of was that awful look in Ronon's eyes. As if they had taken everything he loved about the man and erased it, leaving just a husk. He only reacted to Rodney's rant when he heard Ronon's name.

"We're gonna get Ronon and then we're gonna go back to Atlantis," he said, trying to convince himself as he spoke. Rodney's voice became an annoying hum at the back of his brain.

"We're going. To get. Ronon. Back," he said as if talking to a child. He didn't have the time or energy to deal with Rodney's doomsday mentality. His words finally seemed to get through to the scientist though, because he grew silent and stopped pacing.

"Yeah. Of course."

A silence fell over the three and John turned back into his thoughts.

The silence didn't last long before Rodney started speaking in his usual manner again; way too fast and way too complicated for anyone else to follow. Teyla had sat down on the floor as well and she gave John a long, understanding look.

"That's your worst case scenario?" John asked the overly excited scientist.

"Hey, I'm just spinning here! But, you know… we could take advantage of that moment of uncertainty and- and- and…" Rodney was interrupted by a voice from outside of the holding cell.

"Sheppard."

It was Tyre and a couple of wraith guards.

Being led through the winding corridors of the hive base, John had at first tried to remember every twist and turn they made, but he soon had to give up. All of a sudden, his captor stopped. He was pushed into a corridor and ended up in a big room with the wraith and Ronon. The big, beautiful Satedan turned around as he entered, following him with his gaze, staying completely silent. The same strange posture, the same strange air about him. Not the man John knew. Aching feelings was threatening to implode John's chest as he tried to focus on the wraith in front of him, having a hard time taking his eyes off Ronon and the horrible vibes he was receiving.

"Kneel," the wraith commanded him. Refusing to give in, he taunted the wraith.

"It wouldn't be really as creepy and unexpected as if you knelt instead." He immediately felt pain exploding at the back of his knee, having received a hard kick that brought him to his knees. His head swam a little from the pain and he instinctively reached to grab where he had been kicked.

"Ngggh, god..! I guess not…" he gritted through his teeth and looked at Ronon, who was watching him coldly. A panicked thought flashed through his brain and the pain about what the wraith had done to his strong, beautiful lover, with a hate towards the wraith as strong as nothing John had ever seen before, to turn him into this… worshipper. Desperately trying to come up with a plan, he kept talking.

"Agh… Alright… I'll try to make it work."

The wraith's face contorted into a grimace that John guessed was some kind of wraith equivalent to a smile.

"I appreciate your defiance."

Darting his eyes between the wraith and Ronon, he swallowed before speaking.

"Ronon, I- I really need you so snap out of it about now." He looked pleadingly at the big man towering above him, but no reaction was visible. Ronon just looked down at him, unmoving.

"It will make turning you all the more… enjoyable."

The wraith reached out his hand and John tried to brace himself of the feeling of getting all his yeas being taken away from him. He took a deep breath and was just about to close his eyes as Tyre lashed out, chopping the wraith's hand off.

Reacting immediately, John pulled up his gun, emptying the bullets in the wraith's chest, seeing in the corner of his eye how Ronon fought his old companion. Feelings of adrenaline and relief flooded through him as he shot down incoming guards as well, his ears ringing from the shots. Distantly, as if he was very far away, he could hear the struggle behind him. It seemed to go on forever until he heard the recognizable sound of the stunner and Rodney appeared beside him.

"How's it going?"

"Not so good!" Rodney yelled back as answer.

He abandoned the intersection he had been guarding when Rodney took over and walked over to Teyla, passing a passed out, bloody, beaten up Ronon on the way. He felt tugging at his heart but continued on, taking the gun from Teyla.

"Gimme that!" He walked over to the wraith, the sounds of the battle being drowned out by his own heartbeat as he pointed the gun at the creature.

"Tell them to back off." The wraith smirked.

"My life will be a small price to pay for the lives of you and your team."

Anger rose up inside of him and he kicked the one lying on the ground. The creature groaned. John felt a presence behind him. It was Tyre. The man took the detonator from John's pocket, holding it up so that the wraith could see it clearly.

"And how about the destruction of this facility? Is that a small enough price as well?"

The wraith looked unsure, but still defiant.

"You lie…"

"I told them where to hide the charges for maximum effect," the Satedan continued. "Enough explosives to destroy this place and all its research. Any advantage your hive may hold over its rivals will be gone with the push of a button. "

John stood back, just watching. A sudden wave of tiredness came over him. He saw how Tyre flipped open the detonator and just as he was about to push down the button, the wraith called out.

"Wait!"

-!-!-

At first, John had been watching Ronon lying in the hospital bed, immensely relieved that they had been able to bring him back. When the man had started to struggle though, it had been too much for him to watch. He had placed himself in the corner of the room, thinking that it would make it easier, but it was even worse to just hear his lover struggle. Now, he was standing and looking down into isolation, unmoving and silent, just watching Ronon struggle. He vaguely heard people talking around him but didn't register what they were saying. Then and there, he made a decision.

"I'm gonna talk to him."

No one tried to stop him; he only felt the long looks at his back as he walked out of the room. During walk down to isolation he tried to steel himself, thinking about what he was going to say. He had no idea if he would be able to get through to Ronon and the thought was close to unbearable.

"Open it." He was let into the room by the guards and walked inside. As soon as Ronon saw him, he stopped struggling.

"There he is," the restrained man said, sitting up. "Hey buddy." Ronon looked relieved. No, not Ronon; the thing inside of him looked relieved.

"Buddy?" John could barely believe his own ears. He stopped a few feet from the stretcher to which Ronon was tied down to.

"So…" Ronon said as he looked around, wide-eyed. "How long are you planning on keeping me prisoner?"

John winced involuntarily. He had never seen the Satedan look like this before; he looked crazy, like a drug addict who hadn't had his fix, the hollows under his eyes deep. This was a state that the proud fighter, his strong lover, didn't deserve to be in.

"As long as it takes to clear your head," John answered, fighting to not show any emotions.  
"My head is clear."

John frowned.

"You may be feeling fine right now but… things are gonna get pretty rough for you." Ronon stared at him in something that looked like pure disbelief. "We're gonna get you through this."

"Whatever you've got planned, it's not gonna work." Ronon leaned forward, as long as his restraints would let him, threatening. "You've got a choice," he continued as a sadistic smirk crept onto his lips. "You either kill me, or you let me go. And if you let me go, I promise I won't come after you-" the Satedan turned to look up at the group of people standing by the observation window, looking down at them. "-or Atlantis." He moved closer to John again, this time not threatening, but submissive, like an abusive father telling his child to come back for a hug. "You can tell Tyre I won't come after him either."

John managed to hide the emotions he was feeling, answering without any kind of sway on his voice.  
"Tyre's dead. He sacrificed himself taking out the wraith lab."

Ronon's eyes turned into thin slits for a second, processing the information.

"He was a traitor," the thing-that-wasn't-Ronon answered.

"No, he was a good friend. We all are." The big man sat still silent, and John prayed that he had gotten through to him. "You're gonna realize that pretty soon." With that, he turned around, walking out of the room. He heard Ronon yelling behind him.

"Hell, why won't you just tell me or set me free? Sheppard! You kill me or set me free! SHEPPARD!" Each word cut like John like a knife. He spent the day wandering aimlessly through the corridors of Atlantis, trying to do something else than thinking about what was going on in the isolation room. Come evening, he found himself wandering towards the observation room again. He couldn't keep away. When he got there, Teyla was standing there already, watching her team mate struggle. John swallowed before he walked over to her. It pained him more than he physically thought possible to watch the man he loved struggle, twist and turn, scream, plead and cry. But he didn't look away. He was doing this for Ronon. He was doing this for the man he knew and loved. He couldn't imagine what the restrained man was going through, but this was the closest thing.

Eventually, Ronon didn't struggle quite as hard as he did before, and John moved into the room with him. He sat next to him for hours, just watching how the big body shivered and spasmed. His body would only let him keep going on coffee for so long though, and eventually Dr. Keller forced him to go to sleep. That was what he was doing when he heard and excited Rodney yelling over the intercom, saying that "He's back! He's back!"

All he saw of Ronon that day was the short time at the infirmary. They didn't say a word, just looking at each other. Ronon's eyes were filled with so much emotion, so much sadness, that John thought he would suffocate.

A couple of days passed, Ronon still in the infirmary. John was restless, not doing much. The teams weren't going off world while one of the key members of the team in the infirmary, so there wasn't much to do overall. So, John spent the most of his days in his room. On the late evening on the third day of nothing to do, the door to his room opened. Waves of emotions surged through him. Ronon was standing just outside the door, looking devastated. He stood still, as if waiting for John to give him a sign that it was okay to come inside. John stood up and moved like in a fog to the bigger man, taking his hand and pulling him inside. As soon as the door slid shut behind him, Ronon grabbed ahold of the shoulders of John's shirt, as if trying to push him away and pull him close as the same time.

"I'm so sorry John, I'm so, so sorry, sorry…" Ronon started rambling and John felt the heartache, the pain. He put his hands around Ronon's neck, pulling him close.

"It's okay Ronon, it's okay…"

That night, neither of them got any sleep. The made love like they never had before, using hands, mouth, tongue and lips to explore and map each other's bodies. They melted together until they couldn't feel where one ended and the other began.


	5. Miller's Crossing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Ronon have nothing to do when McKay is finding out where they have taken his sister, and they go back to the hotel room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shameless, shameless smut. I know you like it.

John had, despite of the terrible situation of Rodney's sister being kidnapped, had a hard time keeping his eyes off Ronon. The big Satedan looked positively stunning in jeans, shirt and jacket. John had never imagined Ronon in anything else than the usual, more raggedy-looking clothes that the man usually wore – well, unless you counted the countless times he had imagined the man without clothes, but that was an entirely different thing – and the more "earthly" outfit looked amazing. There was something very alluring about how he moved in the new and alien outfit: both uncomfortable and unhindered at the same time. The goatee and the long dreadlocks clashed with the outfit in a way that looked very majestic to John and therefore, he had an awfully hard time to keep his eyes off of the man. Giving the times that Ronon looked him in the eyes and grinned widely and knowingly, John was not only staring way too much; he was also way too obvious. He cursed himself and shook his head, looking once again at Rodney and trying desperately to listen to what the man was saying. Fortunately it didn't seem like Rodney was saying anything that mattered right now; his sister was kidnapped and there was nothing to do at the moment. He felt his gaze wander to Ronon once again.

Ronon felt John's gaze on him for the umpteenth time. He met the other man's gaze and put his hands into the pockets of the garment he was wearing. What had they called the garment? "Jeans"? It didn't really matter, the garment was uncomfortable and restricting, but if it made John's eyes wander this much, he figured it couldn't be an entirely negative thing. He held other man's gaze, licked his lips and smiled wickedly. He almost purred as he saw something dark swirl in the shorter man's eyes. He didn't let go of his CO's gaze and they kept staring intently at each other before the Colonel darted his eyes away, visibly flustered. Ronon mused.

"Seriously, go. This is going to take 10-12 hours, so you go on ahead back to the hotel," Rodney said to Sheppard and Ronon as he started typing away at his sister's laptop. John nodded as confirmation and motioned to Ronon to follow him out to the car. Ronon followed John out of the house and to the black car. John got into the driver's seat and Ronon opened the other door, settling into the passenger's seat. As soon as both doors had closed, Ronon smiled widely.

"You keep staring at me like that, your eyes are going to pop out of your skull," he said, smiling widely. He heard John clear his throat as he started the car put his hand on the handle bar.

"I… I… Hmm." John cast a sideway glance at Ronon as he pulled out of the drive way. "I don't…"

Ronon leaned his head back on the head rest and tilted his head to the left to study John. He smiled at the man's loss for words.

"I'm not complaining. I like it when you can't take your eyes off me," he said blatantly. John looked at him for a few seconds before looking back to the road, looking like he had been caught doing something bad.

"Was I that obvious?" he said, putting extra emphasis on 'that'.

Ronon chuckled and reached out to put his hand on John's thigh, squeezing it gently.

"Yep."

John smiled a trademark crooked smile.

"You know I always have problems taking my eyes off you."

Ronon almost purred at the other man's words, a warm, aching feeling emanating from his broad chest.  
They continued the car ride in silence, Ronon's hand still lying on John's thigh.

The drive to the hotel took about 15 minutes and when it was over, John was having a hard time to even park the car. Somewhere along the way Ronon had got bored with the uneventful trip - John had to give it to him, comparing to travelling in puddle jumper this was a sleeping pill – and had started to massage John's thigh. As if that hadn't been enough of a distraction, he had shot a sideway glace at his companion. The sight had almost made him steer off the road. The Satedan had closed his eyes and was biting down onto his lower lip. The hand that wasn't massaging John's thigh was disappearing into Ronon's unbuckled and unzipped jeans. The sudden turn of the car made the big man open his eyes and meet John's gaze. Mischief and lust shone brightly in those gems.

It had been a miracle that John had been able to keep them on the road and it had been pure, blissful torture to hear the sounds that was coming from the man beside him. When they finally arrived at the hotel parking lot, Ronon let go off John's thigh and smiled widely. He took his hands out of his pants and zipped them.

"See you inside," he said in that husky, low voice of his that made shivers go up and down John's spine. With that, before John had a chance to react, Ronon got out of the car and shut the door behind him.  
John was left alone in the car and he gave a frustrated sigh. He shifted uncomfortably and used his right hand to push down at the very hard erection straining against his jeans.

"Down boy," he said to himself and pictured himself taking a really, really, cold shower before getting out of the car. He locked the car and took a deep, calming breath before following Ronon into the hotel.

Stargate Command had rented a whole floor of the hotel to accommodate all the personnel included in the search for McKay's sister. John and Ronon had been placed in the same room however; they had figured that it would be safer and more effective if the two were at the same place in case some kind of emergency showed up. As Ronon had explained several times, he wasn't any good "until you have something for him to shoot at" and as of now, John felt about the same. Computer hacking was McKay's area of expertise and his only, so they didn't really have anything to do until they got a call from the scientist.

Ronon was standing just inside the hotel room door when John got inside, leaning towards the wall. There was a challenge in his eyes. As soon as the door shut behind John, he jumped the bigger man. Lips meshed and tongues coiled as hands roamed every bit of skin they could reach. After a short while of fierce kissing, the men had to part for air. John started shedding his jacket and Ronon was unbuttoning the shirt he was wearing, all in between frantic kisses.

"You are such a fucking tease," John said accusingly as he started to fumble with Ronon's pants, pulling down the zipper. Ronon was shaking his shirt off, flashing a broad smile.

"You love it."

John growled a little and moved on to unbuttoning his own pants. Ronon, now shirtless, put one hand behind the shorter man's neck and raked the other one through his hair, kissing him deeply. They stumbled their way to the bed, shedding most of their clothes on the way. Soon, the back of Ronon's knees hit the edge of the bed and the big man sat down, John creeping into his lap. John placed his knees into the matrass on either side of Ronon's thighs, cupping the taller man's face in his hands and kissing him fiercely, claiming that hot mouth as his own. Ronon let his hands travel over the back of John's thighs, over the man's still covered-with-clothing ass and up to his naked back.

"Mmmm…" Ronon rumbled into the kiss, moving his hands into the hem of John's underwear, starting to pull them down. John abruptly ended the kiss before Ronon got any further, grabbing his arms and pulling them away from his backside, trapping them between their bodies.

"Nu-uh," John shook his head. "It's not going to be that easy," he said with a commanding look in his eyes. Ronon struggled slightly in the other man's grip, not really trying to escape. Both of them knew that if he really wanted to escape he could do so in a heartbeat.

"Really?" he said, eyes defiant. John nodded and chewed on his lower lip, an action that drove Ronon wild. He started to struggle against the grip on his arms but John wouldn't have it; instead, he placed a hand on the Satedan's chest and pushed him backwards, down onto the matrass. Ronon only saw the ceiling for a moment before John's face appeared, filling his vision. John's eyes were gleaming with playful mischief and lust. Ronon licked his lips and was just about to pull down the other man for a hungry kiss when he felt a hand cupping his crotch through his underwear. His eyes slid shut and he felt a hot mouth at his ear.

"It's my turn now," John husked into Ronon's ear, squeezing the erection in his hand and darting his tongue out. Ronon moaned deeply and John smirked into the other man's ear. Letting one hand trace an irregular path over the bigger man's chest he moved the hand he had just used to squeeze Ronon upwards, to the hem of the man's underwear. Usually, the man didn't wear underwear, but after trying on jeans for the first time he had decided to put on a pair, for comfort's sake. John breathed heavily into Ronon's ear as he dipped his thumb just inside of the hem, pulling them slightly downwards. He felt the Satedan's big hands come up to caress his back and he bit down on his earlobe, drawing a delectable moan from the man. Finally dipping his hand below the hem he wrapped his hands around Ronon's erection, stroking it mercilessly. Ronon gave a sound that sounded like a whine from deep in his throat and he bucked slightly from the bed. Sitting back on his knees he continued his stroking, moving the other hand to his mouth. He locked eyes with Ronon, who was looking at him with a lustful look in his eyes, still defiant. John licked the palm of his hand, tasting salt. He held the other man's gaze as he gathered as much saliva as possible in his hand. Then, he moved his hand to join his first hand in the stroking. He wrapped his saliva-coated hand around the head of Ronon's erection, being rewarded with a moan and a sudden, violent, intake of air.

Using both hands to pleasure his lover he watched with hungry eyes how the big Satedan thrashed below him. The play of muscles below gorgeously tanned skin, the thick dread locks splayed on the pillow, the strong, handsome face knotted into a frown of focus and pleasure… A wave of lust hit John and he felt his skin prickle. He continued to move his hands up and down Ronon's erection, licking his lips.

Ronon opened his eyes when the warm hands disappeared from his erection. He hadn't even realized that he had shut them. He was just about to prop himself up on his elbows to see where John had disappeared to as he felt warm lips wrap around his length.

"I- ah- ooooh…" His head fell back on the pillows, his eyes sliding shut again. John's mouth was heaven and he had to almost physically stop himself from arching completely off the bed. He felt how John's tongue worked the underside of his cock, using a hand to stroke the part he didn't fit into his mouth.

"Shit, Sheppard!" Ronon swore as he felt that impossibly talented tongue swirl around the head of his arousal before tonguing the small slit. John smirked before he moved his mouth down onto the Satedan's length again, swallowing as much as he could. He received a low, lustful growl as reward. Then he applied as much suction he could while moving up again, letting the erection slip completely from his lips. All of a sudden, the world blurred around him as Ronon yanked him upwards and claimed his lips in a frenzied kiss. John felt big hands travel down his chest and down to his underwear, pulling them down. He hissed as his erection was freed.

"You got the lube?" John gasped against the other man's lips. Ronon nodded and twisted upwards, reaching for a small bottle standing on the nightstand. John sat back on his knees again, enjoying the other man's muscles playing as he moved.

Ronon handed John the small bottle of liquid. He lay back as the slimmer man uncorked the bottle and poured some liquid into his hands. Ronon gasped John wrapped his fingers around him again, the warmth of the man's hands mixing with the cold lube.

It didn't take long until John was satisfied with the slickness and straightened, moving his hand behind himself and found his own opening. He rose up and began fingering himself slowly, stretching the muscle.

Ronon drank in the sight of the other man. He was absolutely gorgeous; skin that looked impossibly pale against his own, black hairs standing out against the creamy white skin. Muscular thighs that turned into slim hips, a proudly standing erection and a nest of jet black hair above forming into a happy trail making its way towards a slightly inwards navel. John's abdominal muscles flexed in a very delicious way when he leaned backwards like that, and Ronon made an appreciative "hmmm-ing" sound. He let his hands wander up to John's hips and placed them there, feeling the sharp hip bones in the palms of his hands. John met Ronon's gaze and rose up, moving his hands to place one on Ronon's abdomen, the other one wrapping around the big man's erection. John's brow knitted into a frown of focus as the guided Ronon's member to his own opening.

Ronon felt John's opening clench, trying to keep the intruder out, but it soon gave way and John sunk down, impaling himself fully onto Ronon in one swift motion. Both men swore loudly and it wasn't until much later that they discovered the dark bruises around John's hips, left by Ronon's fingers as he had dug them into the man's skin. They settled into a slow rhythm, grinding against each other. John rose up and down, Ronon moving his hips accordingly, meeting John halfway. The hotel room was filled with the sounds, smells and heat of sex.

Eventually, Ronon felt how John was coming closer to the edge. The way John's cock was twitching in his hand, how his breathing became significantly more jagged and how he tilted his head backwards, the muscles in his throat working; they were all signs Ronon had learned how to read. Growling, Ronon surged upwards, pressing their chests together. John made a kind of strangled sound as the new angle made Ronon shift inside of him, touching new and different spots. They spent their last fleeting moments glued together like that, breathing heavily into each other's mouths before they both exploded into blissful existence.


	6. Search and Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When John and Ronon are stuck under the debris, John says something that Ronon never thought he would.

When John and Ronon had been stuck under the debris of Michael's lab, both he and Ronon had known that he had lied. When John had ordered Ronon the leave him behind, Ronon had, of course refused. Ronon hadn't stopped to think about the order, and he knew that he could refuse any order when he deemed it necessary, but when John had said that he would have abandoned Ronon if he had been the one stuck… That had stopped Ronon in his tracks. The lie had been obvious and as see-through as clear water, but still, John had uttered the words. He had looked at John for a long moment and John looked ashamed of himself, as if he had regretted the lie as soon as it had left his lips.

Ronon hadn't quite understood the need for the lie at the moment; the whole situation needed all of his attention and he hadn't had time to think about it any further. All he had been thinking about was getting him and his CO out of there. He was not going to die buried under a pile of rubble; he was going to do down fighting, and Sheppard wasn't worthy of a death like that either. So, focusing on the task at hand – trying to move around in the tiny cramped space and trying to dislodge things that were crushing Sheppard but also could be the only thing keeping the rubble from crushing them completely – he pushed the thoughts aside.

Even in the aftermath, after they had been rescued, he didn't spend a lot of time thinking about it. They had their hands full being debriefed - about what had happened, what had gone wrong, what they would do now – and hadn't had much free time at all. The whole Michael thing was affecting everyone on the base and everything became stricter: the safety protocols, the checkups, everything. Teyla missing was rocking the team's whole way of being. That didn't leave much time for Ronon and John to be alone, and John was being extra paranoid about getting caught as well, so they didn't see much of each other overall. Eventually though, one night when Ronon was working out in the sparring room, John had come to join him. They didn't speak; they just took one stick each and sparred for several hours until they both were covered in bumps and bruises. They were both lying on their backs on the floor for a long while; the only sound their breathing, before Ronon stood up and hauled John to his feet. Without a word, the Colonel followed Ronon to the Satedan's room. There, they undressed each other, hands and mouths carefully exploring the fresh bruises. It wasn't until a couple of hours later, after they had made love in the shower, when they were lying in Ronon's big bed, that Ronon spoke about it.

"Hey, John…"

"Hmmm?" John had been drifting off to sleep; Ronon could hear it in his voice.

"Why did you lie?"

Even though John was lying with his back towards Ronon, he could sense John's hesitation. The room was silent.

"John?"

John rolled over to his back so that he could look Ronon in the face. He still wasn't saying anything, just looking. Ronon scanned his face, looking for an answer. The older man's hazel eyes were filled with emotion. Uncertainty. Shame. Guilt.

"We don't lie John. Do we?"

John shook his head slowly, swallowing.

"No, we don't…" he said quietly.

Ronon let a big hand slide over John's collarbone, downwards over his chest, stopping when he reached the point where the blanket was covering John's stomach.

"I don't want to you to die because of me." Ronon held John's gaze. It had been clear as day what John had meant. He hadn't meant dying for him because he was Ronon's commander, team mate or even friend. The shorter man made a fleeting movement with his hand, motioning between the two of them.

"I don't want you to die because of this. Us."

Ronon was taken aback by the man's words. He knew that John was sometimes struggling with this relationship that they had, fighting both his own feelings of shame and the sheer fact that if someone noticed something, John would be kicked out of the military. His reputation would be soiled forever and he would never have a career in the military again, a place where he had spent the most of his life. John broke their eye contact and fixated his eyes on the opposite wall, and Ronon lay there silently, watching him. John never really let anyone inside his shell. Ronon figured that most people that knew John saw nothing more than a happy go-lucky man, a great commander with a sarcastic attitude. Most people never saw the man beneath; the darkness and the struggles.

"Sheppard."

John didn't react right away, still focusing on the wall for a long time before he looked at Ronon.

"I wouldn't have left you there under any circumstances. You never leave a team mate behind. This-" Ronon mimicked John's hand motion. "-has nothing to do with it. I would have died with you down there anyway. Because you're my commander."

John looked stunned, as if he couldn't really believe that Ronon had said what he had said. When the initial shock was over though, he smiled a little.

"Really?"

Ronon kissed him slowly.

"Yeah."


	7. Enemy at the Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John knew that Ronon would never forget him for doing this. Ever.

They all thought they were going to die. John had decided. To save everyone he knew and loved, to save Earth, he would sacrifice his own life. His life would be a small price to pay knowing they all would be safe. John had to bite his tongue and fight back the tears while drifting silently towards the giant hive ship. He had a hard time thinking about anything else than his team, and mostly Ronon. His proud, beautiful lover would never forgive him for doing this. He didn't really care about that though. Ronon would be safe.

Ronon had demanded he should go with John to Earth, but Stargate Command wouldn't let him. The Satedan had been so furious he had punched a dent in the inside of the door to John's quarters. John hadn't really said anything, because he agreed with the SGC; he didn't want Ronon anywhere near the hive if it would come to what John now was about to do. John knew there was a very slim possibility that Atlantis would ever get there in time, and he wanted Ronon safely aboard Atlantis. John didn't say this of course. If he did, Ronon would never let him leave. John just sat on his bed, watching his enormous partner pacing throughout the room, his heart heavy. He prayed and hoped that the Satedan wouldn't suspect anything before he left, and his prayers seemed to be answered. Ronon was too angry to think clearly, and eventually he punched the heavy doors before he stormed out of the room.

That was the last John had seen of Ronon before he beamed to Earth. It hurt him in more ways he knew was possible that he was sitting here without being able to tell his love about this. Swallowing thickly he bit back the tears, focusing at the task at hand. Destroy the hive ship, John. Save everyone.

They had all been prepared to die. They had all been prepared to die for each other, for Atlantis and for Earth. Ronon wanted to punch John for lying to him, and that's what he did. The night they defeated the hive ship and Atlantis landed on Earth, Ronon and John finally met just the two of them. John just stood there, looking at Ronon, shameful. That's when Ronon punched him, right in the face, in the nose. John made a pained sound, but he just took the punch, accepting Ronon's anger.

Ronon's face was a grimace of anger and pain as he fisted the front of John's shirt, raising his arm for another punch. John closed his eyes and steeled himself for the pain to come, but when it didn't he opened his eyes again. The sight in front of him was heart wrenching. Tears were rolling down Ronon's face; the big man's brow furrowed into a look of internal struggle.

"John, why did you-" Ronon's voice broke and John's heart ached.  
"Ronon, I had to-"  
Ronon shook his head furiously, making John go silent.  
"Shut the fuck up John, please. Just - I don't– for once- be fucking quiet-" Ronon's arm lowered as he spoke, fisting his other hand next to his other. John groaned as the other man's mouth crashed down on his. They kissed desperately and John tasted blood, blood having come down from his nose from when Ronon had punched him.

John let his hands drift upwards and he used one hand to grab ahold of Ronon's thick dreadlocks, the other one wounding around his neck. They kissed desperately, the kiss tasting of both metal and salt. Ronon maneuvered them to John's bed and when their knees bumped against the side of it, they broke the kiss. Ronon let go of John and sat down, perched at the edge of the bed. John sucked in a sharp breath because of the look in those eyes. Ronon's gems were dark and clouded, pained. Ronon extended his hand. They were still like that for a long time before John, as if in slow motion, took his hand. Ronon pulled him into his lap, John straddling the bigger man's thighs. When they melted against each other it was like an electric shock going through them both; Ronon wound his arms tightly around John's middle and pressed his face into John's chest.

"Fuck, John, fuck, fuckfuckfuck-"

Deep sobs wrecked the big man's frame and John just held him. Neither of them spoke: it was not what they needed right now. Right now, they just needed to be close. Ronon groaned and clutched the back of John's shirt tightly, as if he was holding onto a cliff in the middle of a storm.

Some time not much later, they ended up lying down on the bed, just feeling each other. John felt Ronon's big, calloused hands all over him, but in a significantly different way he had ever felt before. There was nothing sexual about this: it was just a raw, primal need to be with another person, to feel like halves of a whole becoming complete. It was like they couldn't get enough of each other, couldn't get close enough. Every limb entangled, desperately trying to get closer, to melt into each other.

Eventually, they fell asleep. They almost felt like one person when they did, fit as snugly as they physically could against each other. John's head was tucked under Ronon's chin, his nose nuzzled into the bigger man's neck. Ronon's muscular arms were wrapped around John's shoulders and in a way so that John's head was cushioned by the Satedan's bicep. John felt and heard the rumbling in Ronon's chest as the man hummed contently, raking his fingers through the Colonel's short hair. They tasted, smelled and breathed each other until they drifted asleep.

Maybe they hadn't, and weren't, prepared to die after all.


End file.
